Look, writing flowery ad copy ain’t cutting it in this economy, especially in the age of “AI wrote my PhD dissertation” (because goodbye turnitin(dot)com).
I know why you’re here, you know why I’m here, so let’s just get to it:
I’m trans/FTM/genderfluid, and I have both male and female parts downstairs. That’s my most novel feature.
Yes they both work.
Yes I am verse.
I’m short, plush, and spunky as hell. I can present more masc or femme depending on your tastes (or if you don’t care, I’ll flip a coin that day).
My photos are recent and real. They’re far from perfect, which should be proof they’re real, because why would I fake imperfection if I could just have AI make photos of some perfect trans god/goddess that’ll have you tripping over yourself to book?
You want talk therapy? Let’s chat about what ails you. Your problems big and small. I’m a fixer.
Want a “girl/boy next door” type who cuddles and listens and makes you feel warm and fuzzy? Buckle up, buttercup: I’m about to squish the stress outta you.
Wanna just get to it, no talking, just wet sounds and animalistic grunting? Hot. I’m down.
I’m not a “high end” provider. I’m not a “low end” provider. I’m solidly “the porridge was just right” provider. No frills, no airs, just aggressive authenticity.
Think Jack Nicholson in The Shining when he’s axing down the door near the end of the movie. That’s a great representation of me kicking down the door to smother you with hyperactive affection.
I literally don’t care what shade/tint of the color wheel you are.
I don’t care if you’re the most neurotypical person on earth or autistic as sh*t (I personally lean more the latter).
I don’t care what shape or size your body or your hardware is. I don’t even care if you can’t get it up because guess what, I’m creative as h*ll.
As long as you’re 18+, I don’t care how many standard deviations lower or higher your age is relative to mine. If you were born 18 years ago to this day, or around when dinosaurs walked the earth, doesn’t matter. Hit me up.
I don’t care if you’ve never touched a kitty before, or if you have a higher body count than Trump has mentions in the Epstein files.
Check my socials if you want extra proof I’m real, but honestly I just made them for … extra proof I’m real. I’m not social media savvy or anything. (Actually I hate social media for how brainless it’s made us all).
I’m just trying to get to and through med school alright? Help a future doctor out? Don’t donate to St. Jude, donate to me instead.
If you still want more details about me here’s some stuff I like and dislike:
Likes:
Serious paying clients
Nintendo
Art history
Aquariums
Vampires
Ochem/biochem
Bio sciences
Food
Coffee and tea
Drawing
French
Academia
Learning about how stuff works
Dislikes:
Time wasters
Bad hygiene
420
Having to rewrite this ad all the time
Physics
Calculus
Disclaimer: I promise I’m sane and quite serious about my work as a provider. But I bet this ad grabbed your attention right? If nothing else, you’ll remember it better than the last one you saw. (;
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
